Greetings.

Today I just feel like typing in English instead of Malay, so here it is.

Have you ever meddle in someone else's business? What is your reason? Is it because you felt like you know what needed to be done? Or is it simply the urge intoxicating you? Or is it some other random reason?

This topic came up to my mind when one of my friends told me he would not even bother to ask about someone's problem unless the said person opened up to him by itself. I was listening to him as I would to any of my friends whenever they wanted to tell me anything, then a question came up to my mind: what if the said someone was waiting for us to actually ask?

Would it appear as if we were not interested/care enough to ask? Then, what is the right action to express that we care, without being the busy body: sticking your nose into someone else's business? Or is it necessary to just stick our nose in because it is one of the ways of caring?

Then it got me to a new question. Even if the previous questions were left unanswered. Hah.

What defines a busy body?

Is it when we just meddle in anyone's business? Or is it when we did so even though that person said no? Or...

Well, I am not sure anymore.
Tell me about your thoughts.

Until next time,
Adios.

Labels: mindtalk

Greetings!

Today's topic can be kind of dark, so here is just a trigger warning.

Post ini tiada kaitan dengan insan di luar, baik yang sedang hidup ataupun yang telah meninggal dunia. Post ini hanyalah sekadar monolog hati dan benak fikiran yang kadang enggan melepaskan pergi tuannya.

Now that's clear,  let's get started.

Have you ever missed something you are not even sure if you had it? Like, it was never yours - at least you don't think it was - and now you cannot help but miss it, for absolutely no reason. You just do. Have you?

Life - for as far as I can remember - started with a loud cry inside a hospital. Growing up I had never really got attached to something or someone that easily. I learned that nothing is ever mine, I don't have the right to force it to stay in my life, nor do I have the right to make it comes to me when I want it too. Therefore, getting attached to something that I did not even think of as mine before, and missing it now, that sounds absurd and - for the lack of words - not possible.

But it did happen. And now I am missing it. I am missing her.
I am missing the old me.

Yes, I missed my old self. Quite a far-fetched thing to do. I have myself right here, right now. I should not be missing myself right? It's not like I've left myself, or she leaves me. Right?

Or maybe, she did. Because if otherwise, I would not sit here in front of my laptop, typing about how I miss her. I miss the old me who would get along with others without looking too much at them, trying to figure out if they are going to hurt or betray me in the future or not. I miss her who is unaware and clueless about how scary and cruel the world can turn out to be.

But here's the thing about missing her that hurts me the most - the fact that I sort of knew too much that it instills immense fear in me to the point I have no idea how to go further without being scared of what others may say or think about me - if they are going to turn their backs on me or not. Yet, even from the start, we all knew we could not depend on anyone more than ourselves.

Now that I am left alone again to deal with my fears and life without anyone to assure me everything's going to be alright, I can't help but miss the old me who is fearless.

The fact that we all change along with the ticks of time, to acknowledge that we have lost the 'us' that used to be so precious and pure from the stains of the world, it is painful. If I could ever turn back the time, then maybe...

Maybe I will just tell her to never change herself, never try to find out things more than necessary. Girl, don't try to dig deeper for information for those information might make you lose your belief in humanity. Don't observe others too much because you're going to notice them faking their kind nature. Don't change yourself just because you wanted to fit it.

Just stay being you. Do you. And talk for yourself.

And today, along with longing feeling that fills my heart full, and those questions of was she ever mine, I close this post.

Until next time,
Adios.

Labels: mindtalk

Greetings.

It's been quite a while.

Jadi, a few days ago aku jumpa satu social media's post. I will not classify which social media, tapi content dari post tu bagi aku agak pilih kasih.

So antara points dia beri ialah kebisingan pelajar yang sudah dapat keputusan exam bagus macam mereka orang yang paling bodoh dalam dunia ni--ayat beliau. Tapi ini dalam bentuk jenaka. Well, nampak macam a joke.

Agak sentap juga la aku, sebab aku pernah menangis sebab tak capai target sendiri sedangkan apa yang aku dah dapat tu dah pun mencukupi untuk aku sambung. Tapi aku ambil masa aku sendiri, tarik nafas dalam-dalam dan cuba tengok post tu dari sudut pandangan atas. Biar nampak semua side. Haha.

Kita lihat dari sudut pandangan general.

Bila dapat markah rendah selepas dah letak sepenuh tenaga untuk skor, mula rasa diri ni layak lebih kan? "Aku boleh buat lagi bagus daripada ini" tu muncul dalam kepala macam inai, lama baru hilang. Kemudian tengok pula yang sedang gembira dapat markah tinggi, mulalah terfikir dalam kepala "tahulah markah tinggi, tapi tak perlu la tunjuk gembira tu sangat" sebab kita tengah sedih, mereka kontra. Kemudian, ternampak pula yang turut bersedih walaupun markah dia tinggi, terdetik seketika "markah dah tinggi tapi bersedih lagi, tak bersyukur ke?"

Dan ketika ini, kalau kita jadi pemerhati--a bystander yang memerhati dari luar lingkungan kumpulan ini--kita akan nampak, individu akan tetap dipersalahkan tak kira apa dia buat. Dan terus terang, semua ni semua orang pernah buat. Bila kita duduk di bawah, kita mencari salah dalam setiap perlakuan yang di atas. Jika kita di atas, kita mencari salah sendiri dan akhirnya jatuh kembali.

Cuba berhenti cari salah, dan mula cari penyelesaian.

Markah kau rendah? Go, try again. Cuba baiki cara kau belajar, betulkan niat. Markah sederhana? Tak apa, boleh perbaiki lagi lepas ni. Markah tinggi? Okay, cuba kekalkan.

Seorang guru aku pernah cakap "betulkan niat awak belajar sebab nak tambah ilmu, bukan nak kalahkan markah orang lain", sebab tak ada kesudahannya. Dan bagi aku, apa kata just live your own life. Comparing your results to other people is not a healthy thing to do, since kita semua dari latar belakang berbeza. Why be so harsh to yourself, kan?

Until next time.
Adios.

Labels: mindtalk